Have you experienced being so excited about something new; new job, new season of life, new church, and then you’re walking in it and that excitement seems to diminish with each passing day?
That’s been me the last few weeks. I just finished up my third week at my new job and there seem to be more downs than ups.
I am still working for the same organization I’ve been with for almost a year and a half now, but I’ve taken on a new position. It’s not the position I would have imagined myself in, but it’s the one that God clearly opened the door to. And I knew that through this position I would get a much larger picture of what disaster recovery looks like from the government side and the homeowner side.
The first few days were just a lot of presentations and loads and loads of information. Honestly, more information than my poor brain could hold! Then I got to go out and visit some of the homes that we are rebuilding and meet one of the homeowners. That’s been what I’ve been doing for the last year so I felt at home with that, and just looked at it as a chance to meet new people.
Week one was great! Then week two set in and I was so overwhelmed. I felt like there was so much to be done and yet so little I actually knew how to do. I still had a day of visiting homes and homeowners, but the week ended with me feeling frustrated and unsure of how I was going to tackle this position. And as week three came and went it was more of the same with a little more confidence in a couple pieces of the paperwork that I’m required to complete.
As I’ve taken time to reflect on the last few weeks, and through some venting to Chloë, I’m realizing that it is okay. I am expecting myself to go in and just kill it, to be able to do all the tasks I need to without any flaws or failures and that right there is just setting myself up for a huge let down. Because I’m going to mess up, I’m going to fail, I’m going to let people down, that’s part of learning something new.
It’s the newness that’s exciting yet terrifying at the same time. It’s a chance to learn; learn more about myself, disaster recovery, and ultimately how awesome God is through it all. He didn’t put me here to coast, He put me here to learn and grow and have the chance to share His light with a new set of co-workers and survivors of a natural disaster.
So I’m choosing to start week four with exactly that in mind. I get to learn and grow and more than anything else shed light into a dark, sometimes forgotten, place! Would you pray for me as I enter this week? That I would be bold and courageous and remember He has me in His hand? I’ll be praying for you as well and that you always remember that He is trustworthy and comes through in greater ways than we could ask or imagine as we choose to follow Him, even when the excitement seems to have faded.