30. Most wouldn’t say that being thirty and single is a bad thing, I’m not even saying that. But with my recent 30th birthday I can’t deny that I have thoughts and questions as to why I am still single. If it were up to me I would have been married years ago and already had a couple of kids, but it’s not up to me! And in the long term, I’m glad it isn’t.
Not long after my birthday, it will also be five years of following Jesus. It’s been five years of a whole lot of ups, downs, questions and doubts, but absolutely the best five years of my life. So, thinking about it, if my life would have played out as I wanted it to I would have been in an unhealthy marriage probably quite miserable and very lost. God saved me from that thankfully, so I chose to wait for Him and His timing for the right relationship to come along. It’s a choice I have to make every day and sometimes multiple times a day. Don’t get me wrong, it isn’t easy, but it’s the best choice for me in this season of life. And we have a great reminder from Solomon who tells us that there is a time for everything and God makes everything beautiful in its time, (Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 & 11).
Since giving my life to Jesus I have only been single, and all I’ve wanted is to be pursued. And do you want to know what’s crazy about that? Jesus was pursuing me! He was reaching out to me, loving me, showing me grace and compassion and I was completely blind to it. I was certain that a husband would be right around the corner as I started my walk with Jesus, and boy was I wrong. I was so desperate for a relationship I would have done almost anything to not be single anymore. It was to the point that I even fell back into some pre-Jesus habits out of such an unhealthy perspective. Really it was fear of being alone. It’s in this time that he has healed me and has been showing me boundaries and what a healthy, Godly relationship should look like.
I have no doubt that one day I will walk down the aisle, recite my vows, and transition into wedded bliss. Waiting for that day to happen is where I struggle. Some days I am content right where God has me, other days I am in tears wondering if I am going to be the last person among my friends to just have a boyfriend. I know that marriage isn’t all good all the time, but there is something inside of me that does believe that marriage, the way God intended it to be, is one of the greatest gifts we can receive. But singleness is also a gift. It is in my singleness that I met Jesus, have grown in my relationship with Him, have experienced many different parts of the country and the world, and made some of the greatest friends a girl could have. Looking back, singleness isn’t all that bad! I, like Jeremiah, need to remind myself that the Lord is my portion and therefore I will wait for Him, (Lamentations 3:24). God has reminded me, through verses like this, that He is in control and all I need to do is trust in Him and continue to make the most of every opportunity He provides me with. Eventually, when the time is right, which I hope to be sooner rather than later, my deep desire to be a wife will be met. Until then I look to Him and continue to make the most of my singleness!
It is with that perspective that I am looking forward to what He has for me in this next year and it pushes away any fear of being the big 3-0.